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Sunday, June 29th, 2003

Time:2:17 pm.
Anyone who still has this journal on their friends-list, I've made "midnite_tempest" public and you are welcome to add me =)
1 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

Tuesday, April 29th, 2003

Time:4:15 pm.
New Journal is Here
How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

Time:3:43 pm.
Mood: relieved.


I do not wish to leave the livejournal community. However, a select few of you have ruined this lovely experience for me. This is where I need to insert my disclaimer. I do not mean to imply that you, my friends, have forced me to this decision. On the contrary, it is the anonymous minority, the few who abuse my trust in their maturity. I have been posting in my journal for almost two years now, without mishap. At first, livejournal was a unique way to express ones' thoughts, a medium for sharing creativity, and an arena for positive debate. Over time, the original intent has deteriorated, and turned a good experience into a means of insultation and defamation. At times I am sickened by my friends page, by the ammount of people who use their journals as a way of talking behind the backs of others. You abuse the friends-only and custom posting features to bad mouth those whom you call your dearest friends, and as Tracy clearly pointed out, many of you use it simply to air dirty laundry. And you wonder why your friendships and relationships are in such extreme turmoil. I will no longer be a member of a backstabbing community such as this, and am therefore deleting this account. As a result, I aim to start afresh with a new journal. This journal will be friends-only with extremely filtered posts. Those who will be added are listed below. If I forgot you or you wish to be added/not added, leave me a comment, but as a result of the more recent drama, I make no guarantees. A post will follow this one with a link to my new journal. I do apologize for inconveniencing everyone, but this journal has enough bad karma to last me two lifetimes. I hope those of you on the list will still read me for I love all of you sincerely :o)

Those to be added:

8 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

Monday, April 28th, 2003

Time:5:58 pm.
Mood: blah.
I'm so sick and tired of all the pointless drama Livejournal causes, and have therefore decided that unless I receive an overwhelming ammount of complaints, I'm deleting my account.
10 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

Time:1:57 am.
Mood: exhausted.
I got the sudden urge to sketch my sunglasses at 1:30 in the morning?
How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

Sunday, April 27th, 2003

Subject:Sunday Blues.
Time:1:00 pm.
Mood: nostalgic.
What do you do when your boyfriend is depressed and nothing you say will change it? If you're me you pace back and forth quite a bit and bite your lip. Then you eat breakfast and get the hell out of the house...

God... there are so many people I miss right now. Spring Break needs to end so that I can see them all, see their smiling faces and give them all great big hugs.

Then there are those people I just miss out of habit. People that maybe I shouldn't miss but I do anyways. I never could hate anyone.

Time for oatmeal, Alice in Wonderland, and then an afternoon with the father.
1 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

Saturday, April 26th, 2003

Time:2:11 pm.
Mood: creative.
I've decided that since I hate my feet, I'm going to do a photo collage/painting centered around feet. If anyone would like to model for my photos, leave me a comment. I need big feet, small feet, bare-feet, shoe feet, [heh, it made me think of one fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish :o) ] sock feet, sandal feet, and all kinds of other feet. By the end of this project I will learn to love my own feet! The main part of the piece (the part I actually paint) requires very pretty high-heeled feet. So if you're interested in having your feet photographed, leave me a nice little comment and I'll find you sometime during or after school this week or next weekend before I leave for Pennsylvania.
6 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

Subject:Mmmm... morning.
Time:11:52 am.
Mood: cheerful.
I refuse to let these immature anonymous commenters (yes it's plural now) get me down. I'm a very happy person and nothing/no one is going to change that. I also refuse to turn off anonymous commenting or go friends-only because people like Neil can only read my journal when it's public. Besides, it's my journal and I shouldn't have to make concessions for individuals with the rationale and emotional stability of four-year-olds. So I encourage those commenting to continue to do so. I will continue to reply in the hopes that you'll eventually realize, nothing you say can ruin my day.

In other news, I went with my mother and bought my prom dress and shoes this morning. Along the way I got two pairs of flip-flops, a very comfy hoodie, a tie to possibly wear with my dress, a delicious raspberry-lemonade icee, and a cute new writing journal. Hoo-rah! Now I'm waiting for my hugglebunny =P to call me and/or get his cute ass online. I wish a pleasant afternoon to you all!
2 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

Thursday, April 24th, 2003

Time:1:16 am.
Mood: moody.
*sigh* I've pulled myself out of the world of 1899 long enough to post and get some sleep. I miss Joe. And chances are I won't get to see him tomorrow. < sarcasm > Wonderful! < /sarcasm > I'm not in the best mood right now, as if you couldn't already perceive that much. I hate being in this house. And I haven't taken my meds in almost two weeks. But I highly doubt that has anything to do with me simply missing Joe. Of course I did see him on Tuesday, but when you hold that up against the fact that we see each other every day when school is in session... I've got a good reason to be lonely. Besides. I have my period. So anyone who has a problem with my moodiness can shove it up their ass. I miss Joe dammit! I need a fucking hug...
9 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

Wednesday, April 23rd, 2003

Time:10:57 pm.
Mood: loved.
My boyfriend is an absolute genius. He writes beautiful music, he knows good literature, he's articulate, and he knows many religions better than those who practice them. Oh, he also gives the best presents. Need I say again, I love Joe? Sorry for bragging, but I can't help going on about how wonderful he is. You should all have someone this great in your own lives.
4 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

Time:9:25 pm.
Once and For All --+ Newsies

Denton: This is the story you wanted to write
well tonight is the night that you can

Jack: Just get this done and by dawn's early light
you can finish the fight you began

Davey: This time we're in it to stay

Sarah: Think about siezing the day

Jack: Think of that train as she rolls into old Sante Fe
Tell 'em I'm on my way

Newsies: See old man Pulitzer stuck in his bed
he don't care if we're dead or alive
three satin pillows are under his head
while we're beggin' for bread to survive.

Joe, if you're still countin' sheep,
wake up and read 'em and weep!
You got your thugs,
with their sticks and their slugs,
yea but we got a promise to keep!

Once and for all something tells me
the tide'll be turnin'
Once and for all there's a fire inside me
that won't stop burnin'
Now that the choices are clear,
now that tomorrow is here,
watch how the mighty can fall
for once and for all!

This is for kids shinin' shoes in the streets
with no shoes on their feet every day.
This is for guys sweatin' blood in the shops
while the bosses and cops look away.
This is to even the score.
This ain't just Newsies no more.
This ain't just kids with some pie in the sky,
this is do it or die,
this is WAR!

Once and for all we'll be there
to defend one another.
Once and for all every kid is our friend,
every friend our brother.
Five thousand fists in the sky!
Five thousand reasons to try!
We're goin' over the wall,
better to die than to crawl,
either we stand or we fall,
for once, once and for all!
How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

Subject:When you've got a hundred voices singin', who can hear a lousy whistle blow?
Time:9:11 pm.
Mood: full.
Today was... an empowering day. Josh, John, Jennifer, Melissa, Tracy, P, Sean, Miranda, Julie, Lisa, and Maegan all came over to work on Rebelation coreography and music. After which, Josh, Julie, the Vaccarinos, John, and Miranda all went home.

So what do five women and Sean do? Watch The Vagina Monologues of course! "My vagina is pissed off!!" God... I'd seen parts of it before, but never the whole thing. The rape monologue made me start bawling... all of us except for Sean were. Because we as women understand all too well how that would feel. As it neared the end, the five of us were all curled around each other, protecting each other, feeding off the energy in the air. We understood one another; we were women together. I need to make Joe a pin that says, "I'm your Bob!"

Afterwards, Tracy had to go to work, but Maegan and I made a videostore run, which turned into a crosstown trek to five different video stores until we finally found Newsies.

< empowerment > This movie has built my character since I was a small, impressionable, theatrical seven-year old. Something so powerful as people, joining together for a singular amazing cause, fighting the big-shots, makes my spirit long to fly. This movie, this amazing cinematic work, simple as it may be, has shaped my entire life. Notes so pure, brought to life by immature but entrancing voices... my heart yearns for that kind of power, to make the souls of others take flight. Seeing that film for the second time in three days... my creative side has been unleashed. My soul has been unchained by those simple words: Where does it say you gotta live and die here? Where does it say a guy can't catch a break? Why should you only take what you're given; why should you spend your whole life livin' trapped where there ain't no future, even at seventeen, breakin' your back for someone elses' sake?! Seize the day. < /empowerment >

Many hugs followed, and thus some of my dearest friends departed. So here I sit, listening to my Newsies soundtrack, wondering what my love is up to... wishing I had the means to let my creativity out at this moment. I need to do a musical...
1 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

Tuesday, April 22nd, 2003

Subject:you've got me stoned...
Time:10:12 pm.
Mood: high.
I'm bored as hell. Does anyone want to get together and do something on thursday? I'm open to any and all suggestions, so long as it gets me out of my house. By the by, my mood is not literal, only metaphorical.
3 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

Time:9:55 pm.
Mood: loved.
How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

Subject:your love is like bad medicine... bad medicine is what I need...
Time:8:32 pm.
I was pondering earlier, sitting around with Joe. I came to the conclusion that every guy who has ever stepped on me, put me down, broken my heart, fucked with my mind, used me, abused me, treated me badly, or cheated on me can go fuck himself. Joe treats me like a woman deserves to be treated. No more sorrow for this gorgeous bitch.

Note: This does only apply to two out of three guys. The one instance where it does not apply, I was the heart-breaking asshole and deserved every bit of what I got.
How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

Time:8:02 pm.
Mood: content.
Mmm... love the boyfriend.
4 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

Monday, April 21st, 2003

Subject:softly, deftly, music shall surround you...
Time:12:22 pm.
Mood: determined.
Someday, someday you'll see. Everyone that ever doubted me will be proven wrong in one fell swoop. For I will play the role of Christine in Phantom of the Opera. This has been my dream since I was four years of age, and I lost sight of it for quite awhile. But now I'm out to prove that I can do it. And I will.
5 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

Sunday, April 20th, 2003

Time:10:38 pm.
Mood: sleepy.
Things I know without doubt:

  • Joe rocks my world
  • Crystal understands my insanity
  • I love everyone
  • I still want to find that man in Coventry and steal his kitten
  • My tummy is urpy
  • Miss Lindsay is gorgeous
  • I truly have the desire to be intoxicated right now
  • I need sleep
  • 2 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Time:9:34 pm.
    Mood: amused.
    Ok... everyone knows that while I am girly most of the time, I can eat, joke, and leer as good as any man. So the following is for all of my wonderful guy friends, who are thoroughly appreciated.

    Cool things men have going for them:

    1. Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.

    2. Your orgasms are real. Always.

    3. Your last name stays put.

    4. The garage is all yours.

    5. Wedding plans take care of themselves.

    6. You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.

    7. Car mechanics tell you the truth.

    8. You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.

    9. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.

    10. Same work ... more pay.

    11. Wrinkles-add character.

    12. You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.

    13. Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.

    14. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.

    15. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.

    16. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.

    17. One mood, ALL the damn time.

    18. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.

    19. A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.

    20. You can open all your own jars.

    21. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

    22. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.

    23. If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.

    24. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.

    25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.

    26. You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever
    thinking "He must be mad at me."

    27. No maxi-pads.

    28. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might
    become life long friends.

    29. You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.

    30. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

    31. You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.

    32. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.

    33. Your belly usually hides your big hips.

    34. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.

    35. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.

    36. Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th,
    in minutes.

    37. The world is your urinal.

    Ten Things men know for sure about women.










    10. They have breasts.
    10 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Subject:and to every young man's bedroom, you gave it up...
    Time:9:51 am.
    Mood: cheerful.
    What a lovely day. I'm atheist so I don't attend church or any such thing, and instead I get to make chocolate chip pancakes in my empty house whilst Tori is blaring over my computer. I hope everyone else has a similarly lovely day.
    How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Saturday, April 19th, 2003

    Subject:but I can see that star when she twinkles;; and she twinkles...
    Time:9:45 pm.
    Mood: awake.
    This is just a simple post, expressing my sincere gratitude and thanks and so on and so forth (simply because words cannot fit it all) to Sara. Anytime I'm down, she always goes out of her way to e-mail me or post a comment sending love and hugs, and telling me not to be so harsh on myself. Now this isn't at all saying that I don't appreciate my other friends, I'm simply trying to say thank you, Sara, for always having the right words to brighten my day and make me feel that things will indeed turn out right in the end.

    in the gloaming
    She went roaming
    just outside of twilight's sympathy
    had a grey steed
    with a silver mane
    he kept Her company along the moor
    outside the Abbey
    beyond the mainroad
    through the thistles
    She goes hunting
    down among the starlight
    red boots above the dawn
    no fantasy
    as a caped crusader
    this one, She's
    the real thing--
    a diamond in the rough rough winter
    watch Her
    roaming on that grey steed
    just before purple turns
    blind to blue
    -- Copyright A. Fisher
    3 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Time:12:06 pm.
    Mood: embarrassed.
    I can't do anything right today. And I definitely don't deserve anyone's love or friendship right about now. Someone punch me, please.
    7 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Time:11:59 am.
    Mood: aggravated.
    Why shouldn't I take this seriously? Just because we're in highschool doesn't mean we can't be productive. I don't see how I'm supposed to be having fun sitting on my ass doing nothing. I feel utterly worthless to the band and simply because I have strong convictions about it, my boyfriend just told me that if I'm ready to quit the band after only two practices (correction love, we've had well over two, it's just that no one fucking takes them seriously) then perhaps I shouldn't be in the band. Maybe I shouldn't. Why do I care? Music is my life... god... I don't know what to do. I'm really not all that happy at the moment and I know I should stay away from things that don't make me happy... but I want to be in a band with Matchew and Joe. Joe is the love of my life and I love Matchew dearly as a friend. Maybe Joe's right. Maybe I am taking this whole thing too seriously and I need to realize that a lot of time is going to be spent goofing off. I'm such an asshole...

    Subject:what do you do when all your enemies are friends?
    Time:11:03 am.
    Mood: pissed off.
    Band practice in about an hour and a half... I swear to god if we don't get anything done (which we more than likely won't because we never do) I'm quitting the band. This is ridiculous. I want to make music, not sit around and watch the bass player tell the guitar player what chords to play. And music should be a collaboration, not:

    Matchew: Got any lyrics?
    Aubrey: Here's everything I've ever written. Why don't we sit down and look through this stuff and pick out a few pieces we all like to work on?
    Matchew: Just pick something out, you're the vocalist.

    That's not the way it should work. I shouldn't be making all the decisions. We're supposed to be making music together. I'm not supposed to loathe and dread band practice. Maybe when they were in the band with Andy this is how things worked, him telling everyone what to do all the while belittling them and telling them they were all shit as musicians when it was the other way around. But I know for a fact that I'm nothing like that.

    I fucking hate wasted days.

    Friday, April 18th, 2003

    Time:9:46 pm.
    Mood: horny.
    1 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Subject:your eyes still remind me of... angels that hover above...
    Time:9:05 am.
    Mood: sleepy.
    Mmm. Today is apparently going to be spent with my family #2, Dad, Paula, and the kids, Mikhael and Michael. I guess we're going down to the IX Center. Should be fun. I'll try and post about yesterday and today when I get home. *goes back to drowning in Foo Fighters*
    How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Wednesday, April 16th, 2003

    Time:10:20 pm.
    Mood: accomplished.
    the thirty-diamond-project--
    just what you needed;
    one for every day
    bled to the bone
    worthless once you're gone
    but she
    was a rocket to the core
    couldn't ask for more
    an emerald wrapped in gossamer
    didn't you love her?
    had a sheen unlike the rest
    an inner flame
    of gold and green
    when she wore those heels
    tap-dancing on your
    kitchen floor
    couldn't ask for more

    -- Copyright A. Fisher
    How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Time:9:50 pm.
    Mood: accomplished.

    in my world
    ice-cold inferno
    but you could always
    fuck me sane
    no virgin mary
    between these sheets
    a myth of mayhem
    and stars painted across your lips
    rose-red and smiling
    walk away
    all I ever see
    is your back, boy
    walking out that door
    fuck me alive
    blow me dead
    phone-book says judas
    is in my raven head
    climbing down
    between those legs
    there's a christ
    for every sin
    someone hanging
    on that cross you built
    beautiful, boy
    how I love
    to watch your back as you bleed

    -- Copyright A. Fisher
    2 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Subject:Oh yes.
    Time:9:13 pm.
    Mood: amused.
    As stated this morning, I haven't posted anything of consequence lately, and since I can't study for my chemistry exam, I might as well type.

    Excerpt from my Blue Journal:

    In the courtyard for French again. On va dehors! Except this time I'm not sitting at any fascist picnic table. I am one with the land! Basically I'm laying in the grass. All of the trees are beginning to bud and blossom. How lovely to experience this for a second day, more lenient and relenting than the first. P'raps this shall lead to another summer of evenings spent on porches. Writing volumes of starry-eyed poetry. Knowing me I shall fall asleep momentarily. If only this grass weren't so goddamn prickly... The sun envelops my back -- turning me entirely too lethargic...

    I did indeed fall asleep in the sun-painted courtyard.

    Alright... my boyfriend just smashed a clock. How lovely. I love him with all my heart but I'm beginning to sense some violence issues. Oh... who the hell am I kidding? Was I not the girl-child who suggested smashing cds into my bathtub?

    Ahh. I adore Dreamgirls. Note to self: Birdland goes right after Showstopper in the show. I must needs remember to bring that and put it in my folder. Guys are working on Birdland... Yum. Bird would cook, Max would look, where? Down in Birdland. Miles came through, Trane came too, where? Down in Birdland. Basie blew, Blakey too, there, down in Birdland. Cannonball played that hall, there, down in Birdland, yeah!
    3 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Time:6:41 am.
    Mood: hungry.
    Sorry I haven't had an update of any consequence lately... much too occupied being in love and whatnot. So yes. Think I'll go make myself some chocolate chip pancakes now.
    2 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Tuesday, April 15th, 2003

    Time:5:40 am.
    Mood: depressed.
    I can't go see AFI tonight because I'm on the verge of passing out from this vile illness. Why does this always occur right before an amazing concert??
    How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Time:5:02 am.
    Mood: sleepy.
    last night, I had this dream.

    In my dream I had a book of patches.
    for the million wounds the world inflicts.
    each set forth for a different purpose.
    on my tattered jeans.
    and I carried an air of indifference.
    for the troubles at my door.
    and no one could shove me from my pedestal,
    this high-podium of self-indulgence.
    but I find myself awake.
    as usual, not with new consciousness.
    but the lingereing suspicion that I have been slighted.
    forced to open my eyes.
    to a glaring and hostile world.
    where dreams lie.
    4 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Monday, April 14th, 2003

    Time:5:07 pm.
    Mood: content.
    Feeling much less miserable now that my mother bought me efficient allergy medication. Plus my hair is once again short (just barely below my ears) and a dark red-brown almost black color. Right now it looks black. Anyhow... time to give the lair a good clean. =)
    How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Time:6:56 am.
    Mood: sick.
    I still can't breathe out of my nose. It's these goddamn allergies. They've never bothered me this much so why should they start now?? *cries*
    How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Sunday, April 13th, 2003

    Subject:Hold me closer tiny dancer...
    Time:9:55 am.
    Woke up at 8:00 this morning, just before my alarm clock was set to go off. Band Practice is scheduled for ten, but I haven't heard anything from Joe or our illustrious Maaaaaatt-chew. Seeing as it's ten in just under two minutes, I'm assuming practice will be a bit later. *sniffle* I R Sick. From whence came this disease? Well the only sick person I've been in contact with as of late is JoeSukys! NoSpace! Cold medicine drives me over the edge... as if it wasn't already rather apparent. *sneeze* Even twelve hours of sleep hasn't made me feel any better... Now I'm off to work on writing some things.
    How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Saturday, April 12th, 2003

    Time:9:35 pm.
    Mood: sick.
    *dies* I haven't been this sick in months... but even if I was dying all night, I got to spend some time with my love. And now I'm gonna go pass out.
    How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Subject:Here's the skinny...
    Time:2:31 pm.
    Mood: devious.
    I placed in the top ten for the speech finals. I think I placed fifth overall. Mmm... I got a free shirt. Didn't really care about how I did. My dad is more upset about me not winning than I am? Hee hee... I'm pretty sure it's because I didn't look professional, because with my speech I didn't make any mistakes. Whereas the winners had huge pauses, boring topics, and the fourth place chick paused for three minutes because she couldn't remember her speech, yet they all wore suits. I wore my pinstripe pants, my black Docs, my Marilyn Monroe shirt, and a plain black tie. I never think I look good, but damn I'm sexy today. A chick named Kristyn was checking me out? And the extremely flamboyant second place guy with the impeccable fashion sense (I'm oh so proud that someone in our community of sexual humanity [because dammit, sexuality is about loving people] won) complimented me on standing up for my sexuality and my Marilyn shirt =) Overall, it was a kickass competition. And who cares if Reality TV was higher scoring than Love? I made a fucking statement.
    How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Time:12:53 am.
    Mood: aggravated.
    darling I need you.
    where have you been?
    wandering in broken
    green glass alleyways
    littering their sidewalks
    with your love propaganda
    making widows leap
    from their balconies
    all dressed in blue
    your favorite shade
    of naked winter
    oh god
    where are you going
    all with red
    truth in bloom
    lies for picking
    take it on the chin
    be a real big man
    break me up
    break me up
    break me up
    you know you want to
    let's not pretend

    -- copyright A. Fisher
    4 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Time:12:50 am.
    Mood: bored.
    russia's in the clouds
    heavenly body with a sun fucked grin
    always did taste of cocaine dreams
    my sweet russia
    remember when the distance was non-existent?
    and you were the star in my sky--
    where did you find a gun?
    can't stomach your vodka kisses
    luscious russia
    with insatiable hands
    a foreign planet
    miles beyond my physical static
    busy signal lover
    can't have forever
    with russia

    -- copyright A. Fisher
    How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Time:12:39 am.
    Mood: sick.
    My throat burns like wildfire, my head is pounding, my allergies are running rampant, and speech competition starts in eight hours. And I'm sitting on my ass watching Thelma & Louise. Pheh. I miss Joe.

    Note: People have been getting confused, and I'm too lazy to go back and edit. Sugar Bullets is not by me, however much I wish it were. It is by Stuart Davis. Popsicle Girl, however mediocre it may be, is my work. *hangs head in shame* Sorry for confusing all of you.
    How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Friday, April 11th, 2003

    Time:11:02 pm.
    Mood: bored.
    I've noticed lately
    these complicated
    overbearing women

    with power suits
    and power lunch
    and diet tea with lemon

    well my forte is fashion faux pas
    so baby, let's give it a whirl
    'cause in a world of creme brulee
    I'm yr popsicle girl

    who wants half the fat
    when I can make
    your tastebuds scream

    no manolo blahniks
    no stockmarket fetish
    I'm whatever you deem

    well I'm addicted to Maxim and boxers
    so let's make the world swirl
    'cause in a world of creme brulee
    I'm yr popsicle girl

    she's cash by the dozens
    but I'm quick with the pen
    and if you have to choose...

    I've noticed lately
    these complicated
    blonde ambition bitches
    and in a world of bottled beauty
    I am just yr popsicle girl.

    I don't know... I'm bored?
    How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Time:8:06 pm.
    Mood: horny.
    Sugar Bullets

    all i ever wanted was to
    get laid in a haunted house
    all i ever wanted was to
    punch out mickey mouse
    and all i ever wanted was just
    breath mints and cigarettes
    all i ever wanted was just
    one blonde and one brunette, so

    pull that pistol, tease that trigger
    make that missile blow up bigger
    sugar bullets
    shoot off my
    sugar bullets
    shoot off, shoot off

    all i ever wanted was the
    buddha without buddhism
    all i ever wanted was just
    jesus christ without the christians
    and all i ever wanted was just
    peace and love without the pot smoke
    and all i ever wanted was just
    porno flicks without the plot, so

    pull that pistol, tease that trigger
    make that missile blow up bigger
    sugar bullets,
    shoot off my
    sugar bullets

    shoot off, shoot off

    shoot off sugar
    shoot off sugar
    shoot off sugar

    we're skin pinatas stuffed with plasma
    aren't we
    sweet stigmatas stain the mattress
    aren't we
    kundalini meets karate
    knocks me out of my own body

    pull that pistol, tease that trigger
    make that missile blow up bigger
    sugar bullets,
    shoot off my
    sugar bullets
    shoot off, shoot off

    sugar bullets,
    shoot off my
    sugar bullets

    shoot off sugar
    shoot off sugar
    shoot off sugar
    How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Time:7:20 pm.
    Mood: cheerful.
    For you, because the song immediately manifested your image in my mind and because you always show this wicked little town something beautiful and new.

    Wicked Little Town (reprise) -- Hedwig and the Angry Inch

    Forgive me for
    I did not know
    'cause I was just a boy
    and you were so much more
    than any god
    could ever plan
    more than a woman
    or a man
    and now I understand
    how much I took from you

    'cause when everything
    starts breaking down
    you take the pieces
    off the ground
    and show this wicked town
    something beautiful and new

    you think that luck
    has left you there
    but maybe there's nothing
    up in the sky but air

    and there's no
    mystical design
    no cosmic lover
    there's nothing
    you can find
    that cannot be found

    because with all
    the ch-changes
    you've been through
    it seems the stranger's
    always you
    alone again in some new
    wicked little town

    and if you've got
    no other choice
    you know you can
    follow my voice
    through the dark
    turns and noise
    of this wicked little town
    2 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Wednesday, April 9th, 2003

    Time:9:47 pm.
    Mood: pensive.
    What lies within our troubled minds, if not the worries of forever, the ghosts of a time long past? Here, ever residing in Death's house, we see not the damage we cause. King, Queen, Ace, all are pawn in the eyes of Death, never seeing how futile their game, how unworthy their impassioned pleas. When all is spoken and tallied, one's cards matter little. The guilt and oppression of a fevered mind breeds unrelenting welcome for visions from the past. Here I sit, alone in Her grasp. Having opened myself to the gates of the river. My cards wash away with the ever-changing tide...
    How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Time:6:33 am.
    Mood: aggravated.
    Was the hope drunk wherein you dressed yourself??
    1 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Time:6:22 am.
    Dead roses paint these slate sidewalks, gouts of oxidized crimson nectar flowing circuitously through the veins of an uncaring atmosphere. Blue skies dying in the hands of a poisoned populace bred by a decaying generation. I care not for these times...
    2 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Tuesday, April 8th, 2003

    Time:1:14 am.
    Something in me yearns...
    longs for elsewhere. A burning desire
    unfulfilled in the deepest
    embrace. Darkness engulfs the un-
    shaded portions of my soul,
    groping for blood and
    sinew. I fall, here, among cherry blossoms.
    This love posesses me beyond
    silence, beyond night. Here,
    here is passion, here is beauty.
    Satiated. Home, in a slumber like death.
    Home in his eyes.
    How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Subject:For my brother...
    Time:12:09 am.
    Mood: sad.
    Jake [11:56 PM]: There is only one other person like you in the world Aubrey and that is Aubrey II, the plant clone I made of you
    Aubrey [11:57 PM]: *laughs through the tears*
    Jake [11:57 PM]: You dont sing like a black man though

    Jake and I are officially twins in craziness. He got me to stop crying temporarily, after twenty minutes of straight tears. *sigh* I have a feeling I won't be sleeping much tonight.
    2 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Monday, April 7th, 2003

    Time:11:50 pm.
    Mood: depressed.
    *sigh* I can feel it all washing across my skin like an arctic chill. Ever since I woke up I've been dreading this, the wave of tears I feel sticking in my chest. And they fall. Raining down with three years of growth and change. Can I ever explain what you all mean to me? The end of drama is always so difficult, but I can honestly say that after the seniors, it is most difficult for Sean, Dani, and myself. We have been with the current seniors since MacBeth and for me it is like losing ten thousand pieces of myself at once. Next spring I'm liable to slit my wrists at Strike & Closure. Two weeks ago I spent about an hour and a half on the phone with Joe, crying about all of the seniors leaving. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. How have I let precious time slip through my fingers so effortlessly? My family is slowly being torn apart, and I'm the next to go. So where do we go from here? It's so hard for me to lose Jake, Miranda, and Jimmy. It's hard for me to lose all of the seniors, but those three represent the original drama group for me. They've always been there. Especially Jake. I spent an entire summer watching him grow as an actor and a person, and now he's leaving me. What do I do? I'm so lost right now and I can't stop crying... someone please tell me this is all a fucking horrible nightmare and that I'm not being orphaned! Fuck. What do I do?! I don't know how to control myself anymore. This cannot be happening. I can't lose any of you. Because right now I'm dying inside. My soul won't ever be the same... and my heart is breaking. It feels as if someone is slaughtering me from the inside out, taking almost everything I cherish most. I never thought I could feel this kind of loss... *cries* I can't write anymore... I'm sorry... I'm losing my mind. I love you all so goddamn much it hurts.
    How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    Time:11:24 pm.
    Mood: sick.
    Two of the following are bits of pastiche that I compiled, and some of my other work. Sleep seems far off and so I figured I'd post some of my writing from several months ago...

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    5 Never looked so sane # How's your Jesus Christ been hanging?

    LiveJournal for the Belle of New Orleans.

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